The Lord inhabits the praises of His people. Ps. 22:3

It seems like most of my blogs starts with “Life has been really rough lately.” I think the only time I feel inspired to write is when life has been difficult and God has lavished His great grace and mercy upon me. His love is like no other.

The Beginning of The Journey

I felt as though all was darkness around me—I couldn’t even see the path to walk on. For the first time in my life, it seemed as though I was reaching a crossroads without any indication of which way to turn. I realized that over my life, there has always been some kind of plan—the plan to finish high school, the 7 year plan of college and law school, and now…those 7 years are almost up. Desperately, I tried to make a new 2 year plan—the “pay off my law school loans while working” plan, but the truth is that I don’t know where to go or what to do. The silence of the Lord overwhelmed me. I remembered Jacob and how he fought the angel for his blessing and I felt ready to fight, but I never could find any angels. More and more areas of my life that I thought I understood became a mystery to me—they confused and confounded me. I was alone. But in the moment of despair, the Lord was there with me…for He never leaves or forsakes His children (Deut. 31:6 "Be strong and of good courage, fear not. For the Lord your God goes with you, He will not fail you or forsake you." Hebrew 13:5 "He hath said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Isaiah 49:15-16 [People may forget], "but I will not forget you. Look, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands..").  So, He revealed to me the first step of the journey--that I wasn’t supposed to fight, but to surrender. It’s okay that for the first time in my life I can’t see the future because “He will be a lamp unto my path, a light unto my feet” (Psalm 119:105). When you are walking in the dark with a lamp, you can only see a few steps in front of you—if that. But you can see the path! So, we’ve begun a new journey in faith, where each day is an adventure and a trial, but more importantly a chance to lay my will down and to follow in the next step not knowing where this path leads. "You will show me the path of life: in Thy presence is fullness of joy; at Thy right hand, there are pleasures forever" (Ps. 16:11). 

A friend of mine suggested that I read Job because it deals with suffering (originally, this suggestion was so that I could witness to an atheist who claimed there was no God because there is suffering). So, I began to read about how Job lost everything—his family, his wealth, his health, his friends…everything. Prior to this happening, Job prayed faithfully for the repentance and safety of his family—it seemed as though God hated him and none of his prayers had been regarded. Job said, “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. I was not in safety, neither had I rest, neither was I quiet; yet trouble came” (Job 3:25-26). I felt like I had never related to Job more. I knew what my fears had been—and it seemed as if each of them had come true and with some I couldn’t even tell what was the truth anymore, but I knew in my heart that these things had been before me in my fears. While they were not reality, I could ignore them, but now, here they were torturing me. That’s when I noticed a verse in Job that had always blended into the story before—“Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and WORSHIPPED.” Wow.  We may mourn, but we are always to worship. God hadn't forsaken Job. In fact, God was proud of Job and delighted in him, which is why Satan was so determined to see Job fall. God said about Job, "Have you seen my servant, Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that fears God, and hates evil?" (Job 1:8). How Beautiful. I dream that one day God could say something similar about me. 

Fear is the opposite of Faith. This journey already has shown me that my faith is indeed small and my fear (even subconscious fear) great, but God is faithful and gives us courage to have faith. Trust and Faith while Worshipping--Step One. 

"You, O God, are Holy. You inhabit the praises of Your people. 

Our fathers trusted in You, and You delivered them." Psalm 22:3-4