Surviving Love

I have been thinking a lot about Love this year. What is love? How is it displayed? What is not love? What misconceptions do I have about love? Am I correctly loving people? Should I only desire to have God-given (pure) love for people or is it okay to love them for human(potentially selfish) reasons?

I read an article today that has made me stop and think:

When we enter a relationship, we most often approach it from a dating standpoint. Which means we’ve put the romantic aspect on it from the start before we even really know anything about the other person. We put our best face forward, and don’t let the other person see who we really are until we figure they like us enough that they’ll be ok with our faults.

We are all taught to treat relationships as temporary. Like clothes you try on to see if they fit just right, and then toss on the floor of the dressing room when they don’t conform to our ideal. We have to understand that we cannot enter into a relationship with the intention of “changing him/her.” The only ones who can change a person are God and themselves. Anyone else who tries will be met with abject failure.

This is the opposite of what we are called to do in a relationship. Love and relationship are all about one thing: commitment to the person as you know them to be.

Love, as God created it, is meant to endure. In 1 Corinthians 13 Paul says that “Love never fails.” He’s right.

Love doesn’t fail – we do.

We insist on putting human limitations on the gifts of God and insist that we can’t maintain the standards He has set. The truth is that love endures our human limitations.

Love, as God created it, is not meant to meet my own needs. It would not survive any conflict if it was. Love and forgiveness go hand in hand so that we can each forgive the truths that we try so desperately to hide from each other.

Wow. One thing God has really been teaching me is--authenticity. I was not "fake" before--I was not open. I purposefully let very few people see the real me. Only those closest to me knew my true heart and true struggles. I've been learning that it only matters what God thinks of me--not what my friends, family, strangers, enemies think of me. I think this lets me be (learn to be) more honest with them. It also requires me to trust God more. I have to trust Him that they can handle the truth about me AND I have to trust Him that if they can't handle the truth, that He will still be with me, loving me--even if they fail me. I have to trust Him that by being the honest, real me that I will not lose out on the good gifts of this life (they are from Him anyway, right?).

I also have to learn to love people past their faults--not with the intent to change them, but with the love that God has for them--while knowing that He is the One who can and will change all of us in His time according to His purposes. Real love is faithful despite faults. There are no disposable people. He doesn't give up on me...why should I think it would ever be okay to give up on them?

And then...."Love, as God created it, is not meant to meet my own needs." Wow. That one kind of slaps you in the face with its boldness. It made me stop and think, "Is that true?" I started thinking about the epitome of Love--Jesus Christ--and yes, that is totally true. He doesn't love us to meet His own "needs." Because as Tozer says, "Need is a creature word."

I think I have always associated "love" with "self-sacrifice," but recently, I began to realize how I have, at times, mis-associated it. Love is not being a doormat. Love is not bleeding yourself dry for no reason. You do not sacrifice yourself for the sake of sacrificing yourself. You do not sacrifice yourself needlessly. Jesus died because there was a need. I am called to love and to sacrifice myself for others--when there is a need. It is a sacrifice with a purpose.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." I Cor. 13:1-3

And what is this thing that I am nothing without?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears....and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." I Cor. 13:4-10, 13

How can I love You more? How can I love you more?

New Mercies I Sing

After my last blog post, I kept meditating on the verses about waiting and their promises. If I wait, I will be strengthened and renewed. If I wait, I will see my enemies cut off. If I wait, I will be exalted. If I wait, I will receive my blessing. If I wait, I will be delivered. If I wait (and continue), I will reap my harvest. Each promise reminded me of Who God is and what He is doing. Each promise whispered to me hope. Each promise proclaimed my future. Each promise testified of the goodness of the Lord.

This meditation brought to mind a verse in Lamentations. After Jeremiah is weeping over the condition of Israel, he says:

"Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: the faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh every morning. I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him! The LORD is good to those who depend on Him, to those who search for Him. So it is good to wait quietly for the salvation from the LORD." Lamentations 3:21-26

When I read these verses, my soul calls back, "Amen." Every new sunrise brings the promise of God's new mercies with it. His Grace is sufficient for me. A sunflower turns its "face" to follow the sun across the sky and grows toward it. If I ordered my life the same way, how would the way I live change? Always looking toward and seeking my Father, the daily giver of new mercies.

Today, I listened to a wonderful message from a godly woman who told about her journey and the people who encouraged her, the people who discouraged, the importance of having faith to persevere when you know you've heard from God--no matter what anyone says or what the odds look like, the goodness of the Lord, His new mercies, His faithfulness, His good gifts, bowing our knee to His timing, and receiving our miracle. She also talked about how God grows our faith in the refining fire. It was so encouraging and challenging. Her message really left me with a lot to think about. I think I'll listen to it again to fully process all that it has for me.

"If we go through the hard times with Him, then we most assuredly will go through the good times with Him."--Lauren

"Living for eternity is freedom from fear."-Lauren

"If we are offended, we are not effective. If we are offended, we are not touching lives."-Lauren

If you would like to listen to Lauren's message on "Patience During the Wait" (which I highly recommend that you do so), you can listen to it here: http://www.stickam.com/viewMedia.do?mId=192957136.

His Mercies to me are new each day so should my mercies to other people be new every day (more to come on how God is changing me in this area in a following post).

Joy. Hope. Faith. Love.

Waiting

When life swirls around you and you can't keep up, when your heart is so full that there are no words to say.....

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Gap. 6:9

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isa. 40:31

"Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD." Psalm 27:14

"Wait for the LORD and keep His way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it." Psalm 37:34

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him." (NIV) "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him." (NLT) Psalm 62:5

"I waited patiently for the LORD. He turned to me and heard my cry." Psalm 40:1b

Last night, I couldn't sleep and I felt strongly perturbed in my spirit about something. I struggled to know whether God placed this burden on me so that I would be broken about it and in constant prayer or whether I was placing a burden on myself rather than fully trusting God with it. I decided to listen to part of a sermon series on Breakthrough Prayer.

"The hardest part of the prayer of faith is waiting."--Jim Cymbala

This is so true! Abraham is such a wonderful example of someone who received a promise from God, but had to wait, and wait, and wait--as the odds stacked against him. It is hard to keep courage and hope in such situations. Job is another example of someone who lost everything and waited, and waited, and waited for God to move--to heal and to restore.

Why the wait? Because God is doing something. He is teaching us something. He is orchestrating events for the perfect moment of freedom, triumph, and blessing to happen. He is good-always good. And He is sovereign. He isn't our puppet. I can't thwart His plan, but I can bow before Him and worship even when my finite brain doesn't understand and my soul is weary--and I know that He will hear my cry, He will answer, He will come, He will give me good gifts, He will work it all out, and He is Holy. He never makes mistakes.

So, last night I prayed as fervently as I could, and then I told myself over and over, "God has it in His hand. That is exactly where it should be. He knows how to take care of it. He knows better than me. He is taking care of it. It is in His hand." As I repeated these words to myself, I began to find some more peace. My world is in His hands.

My soul waits on You, Lord...do not delay. My hope is in You.

He never forgets. :)

I love how this verse is paired with James 1:17, which says that all good gifts come from the Father, who does not change (paraphrased). What a beautiful promise.

His promises and faithfulness never let me lose Hope.

Love.

Rest and Peace in the Refining Fire

"In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls." I Peter 1:6-9

"For You, O God, tested us. You refined us like silver. You brought us into prisons and laid burdens on our backs. You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but You brought us to a place of abundance." Psalm 66:10-12.

"But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold." Job 23:10

These are some of the key passages of the messages from the Breaking Free series by Beth Moore that I listened to last night. The lessons were about the "Refining Fire" and "Beauty From Ashes."

"God never allows or appoints a fire unless He can bring beauty from the ashes."-Beth Moore

This really resonated with me as I noticed the words "allows" and "appoints." The Scriptures above clearly show that God does believe that there are times when we need refining fires in our lives to change us. But He does all of this with Purpose. In the fire, I can sometimes see some of the purposes, but not all. At other times, I can only feel the heat. The Refiner holds the object in the hottest flame and watches it closely so that it is not destroyed. He uses the fire to melt off the impurities and dross. He uses the fire to change the object. The result? He knows the object is done when He can see His reflection in it. Every refining fire in our life--both those allowed and those appointed--work to accomplish this goal. They bring us closer to Him and make us reflect His image.

Beth pointed out the words "if necessary" in the verse. God does not appoint suffering for suffering's sake, but for our good--and only when it is necessary. He does not intend to leave us in ashes with fire scars, but rather to blow away the ashes and reveal a thing of beauty. He is making us beautiful.

This message really comforted me. I sensed a long time ago that God was sending me back to the refining fires, but lately, it has been hard not to grow weary of it. But I wouldn't want to trade my time in the refining fires for ease and comfort and come out not with a fuzzy reflection of His face.

It is in this fire when we know that we will not make it unless we "eat, sleep, and drink Jesus all the time."--Beth Moore

My Good Daddy knows what is best. He gives me a desire to persevere through the fire--and to come forth as gold.