Are You Hiding From God?

God had met their needs. He had provided abundantly for them. The picture is of 2 trees. Tree #1, The Tree of Life (living by what God told them to do). A dividing line (God is Just. God is Holy. Holiness holds the line. It does not change when a sin is committed. You cannot "move" the line or "change" what is or isn't holy). Tree #2, The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. The choice that was made: instead of walking in faith--they chose wanting to be god.

"Man didn't need to eat of the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil because he had an intimate relationship with God. We didn't need the ability to decipher what was okay to do or not do because God told mankind what to do as they walked in fellowship with Him. God gave us a choice of being dependent on Him. But mankind was to learn that there was a consequence to walking our own way--we died spiritually that day."--Kay Arthur

I can't begin to imagine the perfect peace that must've existed in The Garden of Eden. How much of our time is spent analyzing what is right or wrong? How often do we feel so confused or conflicted because we struggle with making the right decision or trying not to mess up? It would be amazing to not even have to engage in that thought process because you walked and talked with God all the time and He guided you before the trouble even arose. No death. No sin. No pain. No tears.

How did we get here--stuck on an earth that is corrupted with sin? Whatever does not equal Faith is sin. Faith is walking with God dependent on Him.

"Sin separates you from God. When man sinned, Holiness held the line. Grace (unmerited favor of God) is not license to sin. Grace does not move the line over so that we haven't done anything wrong. Instead, Grace reached over the line and grabs you as a sinner and pulls you back to God--not to bless the sinner in his sin, but to provide a way out of sin and a way to conquer sin. Grace is never licentiousness/moral anarchy. Grace does not give you the right to run the show. All sin is ultimately against God. He made you for His pleasure and His glory. As a Christian, you have the Holy Spirit. When you sin, it grieves the Holy Spirit."--Kay Arthur

This is so that you will know and respond to the sin in your life.

How often do we hide ourselves from God when we have sinned. We seclude ourselves on the "death" side. We turn inward to try to solve our problems instead of turning Upward. I am so thankful that God is Gracious--it is His character. Out of His great love He reached across the line and placed me on the side of Life.

--Thoughts after this week's Bible Study on the Grace of God

Worth the Extra Trip

Yesterday, I was praying God's Word about believing. "Jesus Christ said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." (prayer based off of John 20:27). "Lord, I cannot see Your visible hands, but if I'm willing to really look, I can see the visible evidences of Your invisible hands. Help me to stop doubting and believe!"

I began to ponder what led to Jesus saying these words to Thomas. John 20 begins with the story of Mary Magdalene going to the tomb and finding the stone removed so she ran back and got Simon Peter and John. John outruns Peter, but stops at the edge of the tomb. Peter catches up and charges right on in. Verse 8 says that when John went in "he saw and believed." In verse 9, it reveals that they still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead. Jesus then has an encounter with Mary where he tells her to tell the other disciples that he is coming to see them. He shows up supernaturally when they are meeting in a room and shows them all--except Thomas--his hands and side.

When they told Thomas the good news, he demanded evidence--he wanted to see the hands and side of Jesus just like they had. He refused to believe. Jesus comes back a week later to show Thomas his hands and his side. I love that. He wanted Thomas to believe and He thought Thomas was worth the extra trip. Instead of feeling Jesus scars, "Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!" (John 20:28).

The story of Thomas made me think about the parable Jesus told in Luke 15:4 "Suppose on of you has 100 sheep and loses 1 of them. Does he not leave the 99 in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?"

Why yes, He does. I love it. God is not content to leave us straying or in unbelief. He thinks His children are always worth the extra trip.

Abba, Abba, Oh Abba

The other night, I was praying these words crying out to God over something when it suddenly hit me--You are talking to God, the Creator of the Universe in such a personal way. Whoa. Sometimes things in the Christian walk seem a given to the point that we forget to step back and bask in the awe of God. Did I really just cry out "Daddy, Daddy, Oh Daddy" to Him? Yes, yes, I did. :) I am overcome with all of the wonderful things He has done and is doing for me. I am overcome with WHO He is.

It is so easy to focus on the bad things in life and to focus on how I wish they were or how I'd have them be if I was in charge (more on this in a post to come about what I'm learning about "focus"), but then those moments arise when you realize how terribly incompetent you are on your own and how good He is. He only gives good gifts to His children. He turns all the bad things that have happened, are happening, and ever will happen to me into my good. He never lets me experience pain or suffering that He doesn't use to draw me closer to Him and to build my character to be more like His. In His arms, I find perfect rest, peace, comfort, love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness. There is none like Him. He has captured me with His love. I am blessed.

Never Lost My Praise

Some lessons can only be taught in times of sorrow because those are the only times that we have been humbled and quieted enough to listen and to truly cling to God. The last month has seemed a time of deep sorrow for me. It seems as though each time a new sense of hope arose, it was immediately destroyed. It wasn't in one area of my life, but in many areas of my life. I felt exhausted from fighting to keep my head up. I was tired. I felt like getting away from all people, all noisy things, all familiar things, all responsibilities, all sorrows--well really, all anything. I wasn't sure what I was going to do if/when I got away, and I secretly suspected that I would be no happier in the deadening silence of aloneness. I liked to think of it as a spiritual retreat to return mental sanity and end suffering, but I knew my problems, tiredness, and heartache wouldn't stay home. I languished on. I cried--a lot. Crying is not my normal resort and after weeks of almost daily crying, I am quite sick of it and exhausted. It felt like everywhere I turned people were suffering and hurting each other. Spiritual battles were being waged--and it didn't always seem as though satan had lost. In fact, it seemed like he was winning a lot. Evil around you leaves tons of reasons to ask "why." I often felt alone like there was no one to comfort me--everyone was too busy or some things I wasn't free to talk about to them anyway so they couldn't help me.

In all of this, I began crying out to God. My mom told me the other day that when the Potter is making a pot and the clay starts to shift, then He has to smoosh the pot flat and start over. I'm pretty sure I've been smooshed. It hurt. But somehow in the midst of this, I learned new lessons that even in the sunniest days on the beach with the best company and no cares, I could never have learned. I have to thank God that He cares enough about the final product that I will be that He is not content to let me develop into an ugly pot. ;) Because honestly, I don't want to be an ugly pot either. I know that character building and learning new lessons about Him is always best for me--and I do want God to give me His best. One of the lessons I learned from Him is that I am always to praise Him--even if I don't feel like it (I know I've said this one before back when I started blogging 2 years ago...so maybe this was just a chance to "practice" what I had learned). I found it both inspiring, hard, challenging, and super comforting to praise Him when I really felt like wallowing in my pain. When you praise God, you become even more aware of WHO He is--and that God is one that you can trust. Trusting Him because He is trustworthy comforts me and gives me hope in the future He has planned for me.

Another lesson He has been teaching me is to run to Him first and quickly. Satan loves to attack us and get us down. I love to run to my friends and family to get comfort, help, and a hug. But when they aren't there, I realize how often I run to them first--instead of God! He loves me more than they do, He has all of the answers, and He has the power to fix it! It is beyond silly to ever go to a human first. Plus, God has the ability to hold me--and that's what I ask Him to do. God can also protect me from satan, which is also what I ask Him to do. I fight satan, but when I feel weakest, I ask God to take this one for me. :) A major area of learning during this time of sorrow has been about spiritual warfare. I think a lot of the lessons I learned 2 years ago are getting "practice" time now. I am attempting to fight satan the first moment he begins to whisper a lie in my ear. Recently, I noticed that within hours of "having a bad day," I could identify at least 5 terrible lies, he was whispering to me. He often knows my weaknesses and what I've believed about myself for so long--so he whispered those.

My mind started to reel as each lie entered. "Was it true that I was a failure?" "Was it true that I wasn't valuable?" "Was it true that nothing good was going to happen after the hard times?" "Was I so horrible at learning lessons from God that I would have to experience the pain of learning them over and over again?" But then God graciously let me see that these things were not true--they were lies of the devil. I am a changed person. I have learned. I will continue to learn. God is doing great things for me--even if it is humbling me through pain to build my character to be more like His.

I love Him so much. This present suffering is temporary--my future is certain and I know WHO I will be spending it with. Heaven makes anything on earth "worth it."

Falling Apart

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know You when my life was good
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give You praise

Now it all seems upside down

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

Blessed are the ones who understand
We’ve got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You

And it all seems upside down

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me

My whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when
You will find me when I fall apart

--Josh Wilson's "Falling Apart"