One of the biggest lies I ever hear people say to one another is "You don't need to change anything about you."Why are we so obsessed with being lied to and lying to one another? Can we not handle the truth? Are we not 'real' enough? Are we so insecure that we cannot feel love if someone doesn't think our faults--that we secretly or openly hate about ourselves--are "perfect?"

Several years ago, I watched the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You." There is a scene where the girls make up "reasons" (read: potential lies) about why the man is not trying to date her. Here's the 2 minute clip if you don't remember what I'm talking about  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1uqtnGENzo). I couldn't find a clip without the subtitles in a foreign language so you are welcome for that extra cultural experience. ;) The shocking thing is that somehow we grasp these "potential" lies as reality in order to save our bruised ego. In Girl Code, we see this over and over again. A "good" friend tells you that you are SO much prettier/smarter/classier/more attractive, etc than whatever other girl you feel that you have been placed in competition against. If a guy has done you wrong, your "good" friend tells you why he is a loser or why you are awesome, but.....

Sometimes we just don't decide to check in with reality. Maybe the truth is that we aren't perfect and neither are they, and that's okay. Maybe we don't have to be "better" than they are to have value. Maybe we shouldn't want it for validation. Maybe we forgot who we are in relation to God and to each other.

Once upon a time, there were two people--a man and a woman--and they lived in perfect harmony together in paradise. They lived in perfect harmony with God. They had no flaws to bother one another. They knew true Love both with God and each other. But then they messed everything up and we all have continued in their errant footsteps. It's a struggle to live in any kind of harmony on this earth. It's a struggle to feel complete. It's a struggle to feel loved. It's a struggle because deep down we long for that once known paradise. We long to be secure with God and to enjoy the fellowship of mankind.

Redefining yourself in Christ is the only way to gain true security, peace, joy, and love. But it also allows for forgiveness. In Christ, I can see the brokenness of other people rather than just what they've done to me. In Christ, I can see where and how I need to change. The truth is we always have something that needs to change. "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us" (I John 1:8). To resist change is to resist sanctification. To expect others to see us as perfect is to ask them to deny that we are in the process of sanctification. Satan is the one who wants us to not live sanctified lives. He is the one that wants us to refuse change. And he is the "father of lies" (John 8:44).

The ultimate realization is that love doesn't have to be associated with human perfection. Jesus loves us even though we are not perfect. He loves us enough to change us. He steadfastly loves us during the journey of transformation. If our love is to be like His, then we can love people who are not perfect. We can love them during their journey of transformation. We can love them enough to know that we do not change them and cannot, but that God can and will. We can love Him enough to trust Him with the people that we love because we know He is faithful to complete what He has begun in all of us. We can trust the Holy Spirit that He is strong and wise enough to convict all of us of our sin and that He alone chooses which area to work on first.

I'm not your Holy Spirit so I don't have to point out where you have to/need to change. Let us all speak the truth in love as directed by Him or be silent. But we can still be gracious and loving without pretending to believe a lie either.

If you are a Christian, God should be changing you. Christians should be loving you as you are, but you should NOT be staying the same. If you have truly interacted with His life-transforming power, there should be a visible change. No more "this is who I am," but "this is who He is creating me to be."