Run Wild with the Hope

I'm in love with a wild God who is extravagant in His Love.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about faith and what I put my faith in. I've thought about it a lot recently because Satan has been attacking me and because I've felt discouraged. I wonder if I only have faith when I think things will go my way. I pray fervently for things that I believe are in God's will and would bring Him glory, but then I wait, and wait, and wait, and wait! And I wonder "If this would bring You glory, why don't You act now?" And then I wonder if I pray that because I'm so desirous of God's glory that I can't stand it being delayed a minute or if I'm so desirous of the "good" things that I envision that I can't stand for them to be withheld from me for a minute. And why am I discouraged if I know God works all things together for my good and the good of all of His children? Then I think of Abraham and how anxious he must have been for God to fulfill His promise--waiting and waiting for 90 years. When the promise was finally fulfilled, I think of Abraham obeying to take Isaac to be sacrificed not knowing how it would end, but knowing that God Himself could raise from the dead to fulfill the promise. I think of my Isaacs and how I want to give them to God "temporarily" or almost "on loan" until He is satisfied and hands them back or until He reveals the solution to me or until I feel that I can handle them myself. But that's not faith--that's still me trying to control things. It is a picture of fake or partial surrender. I think of Peter walking on the water--and then falling. Maybe I'm just falling...I walk out with my eyes on Jesus knowing that I stand in His strength and then I look at myself and begin to sink.

I think part of the discouragement came because it seems like Satan is winning so many battles around me. Everywhere I look there is pain and destruction. Today, I've been listening to Rich Mullins a lot--his music touches my soul and warms my heart. I love the honesty of his lyrics.

"If All I Know is Love" portrays how I feel now...

"I am strong, only when I'm holding on to the greatest truth I've ever known
For when I lose myself in You, You take me farther than I've gone alone
It's Your love that opens up eternity to a heart nothing else could reach

It is love that led Your Son to Calvary, And it is love that opened up my eyes to see
That it is love that held Him to the cross And it will be enough if all I have is love
And if all I know is love and I leave the rest behind, That will be enough if all I know is love"

I feel so weak...but I know that it is not about me, but about God. In my weakness, He is made strong.

Then, Rich Mullins' "Calling Out Your Name" made me think of Hope and of my wild God"

"There is still a faith that can make the mountains move, And a love that can make the heavens ring, and I've seen love make heaven ring.

You can look sometimes forever 'til you see what time may never know,
How the Lord takes by its corners this old world, And shakes us forward and shakes us free
to run wild with the hope

The hope that this thirst will not last long
That it will soon drown in the song not sung in vain
And I feel thunder in the sky, I see the sky about to rain
And I hear the prairies calling out Your name
And I know this thirst will not last long
That it will soon drown in the song not sung in vain, I feel thunder in the sky, I see the sky about to rain, And with the prairies I am calling out Your name."

I was so convicted when he sang about how there is still a faith that can make the mountains move--that should be me! I should have that faith! I should be running wild with the hope! The hope that my thirst for God's movement will not last long, the hope that He will meet with me right where I am, the hope that He has not forgotten, the hope that He loves me desperately, the hope that He is doing all things for my good in His divine time, the hope that lives in my soul! So, tonight, hope is restored and I will run wild with the hope that "greater things are yet to come" and that God is out there moving mountains.